


The Solo’s Need A Fishing Trip

by BenSoloHands



Category: Reylo - Fandom, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Camping, Crack, Cussing, F/M, Fishing, Fishing Boat, Hunting, This is based on the Galaxy needs a nerd, outhouse, raccoon, shitting in the bushes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-02
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-14 10:14:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29790405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BenSoloHands/pseuds/BenSoloHands
Summary: This is based on The Galaxy Needs a Nerd by enloeddmedia, The best damn fan fiction of all time. Yes I had the authors permission to write this.The Solo’s go on a fishing trip. Leia makes Han and Ben stay in their own cabin in order to try and bring them closer to together...... LOL.Also if you haven’t read Galaxy needs a nerd, Kylo is Ben’s brother incase you get confused. Also Ben is a nerd. LOL
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 4
Kudos: 16





	The Solo’s Need A Fishing Trip

**Author's Note:**

  * For [enloeddmedia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/enloeddmedia/gifts).
  * Inspired by [The Galaxy Needs a Nerd](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24063697) by [enloeddmedia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/enloeddmedia/pseuds/enloeddmedia). 



“Damn it Ben don't touch that! I said don’t touch it!” Han yelled from inside the cockpit of the falcon. They were currently in hyperspace on their way home from a shopping trip on Naboo. The whole family was there, Leia, Rey, Kylo and Chewy were sitting at the table in the Falcon’s kitchen drinking tea when the commotion started. 

“Dad I’m trying to fix this damn compressor that you never got around to fixing!” Ben yelled at Han waving his multidriver in Han’s face. 

“You're not touching a damn thing while we are in hyperspace dumbass! We will end up in a damn mustafar lava pit with you tinkering with my ship!”

“Han! Do not call our son a dumbass!” Leia yelled as she walked into the cockpit with Rey and Kylo standing behind her watching the yelling match.

“Leia he’s trying to send us all to hell screwing around with the compressor during flight! Do you want us all to die princess?”

“I am not going to send us to Hell dad! I have perfect knowledge of how compressors work! Solocorp manufactures compressors all the damn time!” Ben yelled as he yanked the compressor from the wall and held it up above Han’s head. 

“God damn it Ben!” Han jumped around trying to reach the compressor while Ben laughed and dangeled it over Han’s head. Han had had enough of Ben’s bullshit. He knew how to get his compressor back.

“Hold still Ben there’s a spider in your hair.”

“FUCK! Get it off get it off! Mommy help! Rey kick its ass! Kylo get your lightsaber!” Ben yelled as he dropped the compressor running his hands in his hair and dancing all around the cockpit. Han picked up his compressor laughing his ass off while Ben made a fool of himself. 

Leia just stood there thinking to herself of how shitty Han and Ben’s relationship was. Something had to be done. She looked at her com and turned around to go back to the kitchen, leaving Rey to calm Ben down and Kylo standing there with his ignited saber telling Ben he will defend his honor. 

Sure they had gotten along better since Ben saved Han from falling to his death, but damn it had started up again lately. Something had to be done. 

By the time they landed back home, Leia had already set her plan in motion. 

“OK everyone, go inside the house and pack a bag. We are all taking a weekend fishing trip to Endor! I don't want to hear any complaints either!” She yelled at everyone before getting off the Falcon.

“Fishing! Mom you know I’m terrified of the outdoors! And water, and worms, and boats, and trees, and…”

“Shut up Ben! We all know you're scared of your own asshole too! We don't need the whole damn list!” Han grumbled as he made his way into the house to pack his shit.

“Don't worry Ben sweetheart, myself, Kylo and Rey will be there to protect you from the trees and shit. Your father is just a giant douchebag.” Leia said patting his shoulder and walking inside.

“Rey…..I dont think I can do this. The last time I was outdoors for a long period of time I got caterpillars all in my hair and I found a leech on my balls from swimming in that lake.” Ben said looking down at Rey with fear in his eyes.

“Who is this leech you speak of? Give me his address and I will make sure he never gets near your balls again!” Kylo yelled, grabbing his saber. 

“Kylo it's not a person it's just a slug looking thing and I’m sure Leia already killed the fucker.” Rey replied as she ran her hands through Ben’s soft, black, luxurious locks. 

“Ben it's going to be fine, I would never let anything happen to you. I would slay a dragon, I would wrestle a bear, I would slash a coyote in half, I would….”

“There’s going to be dragons, bears and coyotes!?” Ben said as he ran into the house fleeing in terror. 

“You shouldn’t have said that Rey. Now we will have to tranquilize him to get him back on the Falcon.” Kylo said as he walked into the house.

“Fuck me.” Rey said looking up at the sky.

  
  


Three hours later they were on their way to Endor. Rey had to knock Ben out with the force just to get him to come outside after her whole dragon thing. She explained to him she was just trying to tell him how much she loved him and how she would fight for him but he was still too damn terrified. Ben was resting on one of the bunks and they were in hyperspace so she thought it a good time to wake him. 

“Wake up Ben.” She whispered as she waved her hand in front of his face.

“Dragons, Coyotes and bears! Oh my!” Ben yelled as he sat up hitting his head on the top bunk. Kylo couldn’t help but giggle from the other side of the room. Rey flashed him an evil stare and slapped his face with he force. 

“Ben look at me! It's fine we are on the Falcon heading to Endor. We are going to have a great time! Fishing will be fun!” Rey said, smoothing out his hair.

“What if the dragon gets me Rey!?”

“There are no dragons on Endor! Just Ewoks!”

“Oh Shit! Fuck no! Have you seen those beady eyed hairy fuckers!” Ben yelled hiding under the blanket. 

“Don't worry Ben, this Ewok fucker will have his ass handed to him if he comes near you.” Kylo said while twirling his saber. 

“Ewoks Kylo! Plural! They are only like 3 feet tall and run around with sticks! They don't even have blasters!” Rey said rolling her eyes at him.

“Well what’s the fucking problem then?”

“They have eyes that look straight into your soul!” Ben mumbled from under the covers. 

Leia was standing at the door during this whole conversation. 

“Han is going to have his work cut out for him.” Leia said to herself smirking as she made her way back to the kitchen. 

  
  


Rey had convinced Ben to come to the cockpit as they landed on Endor near a small set of cabins. 

“See, look at all these fucking trees Rey. Just covered in allergies just begging to kill me as soon as I step foot off the ship. I will be broken out in hives by nightfall, mark my words!” 

“I’m sure once these killer trees get a look at your giant redwood ass they will think you're one of their kind and leave you the hell alone.” Han said as he opened the ramp to the falcon carrying their luggage to the cabin. 

After Ben put on his sunglasses, hat, sunscreen and grabbed his umbrella he finally let Rey and Kylo drag him off the ship. Leia stood at the front door of the cabin waiting on everyone to gather round. 

“Ok everybody I have a confession to make…...I have a plan and everyone is going to go along with it or so help me god I will never cook for any of you again.”

All that could be heard were 5 audible gasps followed by furious nods of agreement. 

Leia smiled…..then raised her hand into the air lifting Han and Ben with the force.

“Mom! What’s going on!”

“Damn it princess put me down! As far as I know I haven’t done anything to piss you off today!”

“Shut up Han.” Leia said right before she force pushed the two of them across the lake to a tiny run down shithole of a cabin and set them down on the front porch. Han and Ben looked at each other in horror then saw their luggage come flying towards them from across the lake.

“MOM NO! DON'T DO THIS TO ME!”

“LEIA NO! DON'T DO THIS TO ME!”

They both yelled.

“You know mom I do have the force! I can always float my ass back over there! Ben yelled at Leia from across the lake.

“That’s maybe so...but I have 2 other force users over here!” She yelled back looking at Rey and Kylo with grins on their faces. 

“NO! Rey baby! You were in on this the whole time! Kylo your my brother don't do this to me! I can’t be alone with dad for a whole weekend!” Ben yelled as he started to panic.

“Ben you and Han need to learn to get along! I agree with Leia on this and if you try to float back over here before the end of the weekend, the 3 of us will just have to stop you with the force. I love you Ben but you guys have to learn to work together!” Rey yelled blowing kisses at him. 

“Ben I agree to…….but thats just because mom told me she wouldn’t cook for me anymore if I didn’t.” Kylo said looking around sheepishly. 

“Damn it Chewy I thought you were my friend! Bring the falcon over here and pick my ass up!” Han yelled. 

“ARRHAHAHH ARRRAHHHAHAH ARRR!” Chewy roared back pointing to Leia and rubbing his stomach!

“Fucking hell Chewy! You're choosing Leia’s cooking over me too!?” Han groaned as he sat on the ground in defeat. 

“Enjoy your weekend boys! Oh there’s plenty of water over there but no food so you will have to hunt and fish together! Also enjoy the outhouse! No indoor plumbing over there! Oh and also, no force using! I want this to be authentic outdoor bonding ruffing it type shit!” Leia waved as she walked inside the million dollar cabin. 

“REY! NOOOO! Don't leave me here!” Ben yelled as he tried to use the force to float back over. Rey stopped him midair. 

“You will be fine my love! If you are in any danger I will sense it! Have a good time! Also when we get home, I will give you the blow job of a fucking lifetime! Now, I’m going inside to get some Leia cooking!” Rey said waving at him and blowing more kisses. 

Ben looked over at Kylo, pleading with his eyes.

“Sorry Ben…..but I need some fucking pancakes.” Kylo waved as he followed Rey inside. 

Ben sat down on the shitty front porch rocking chair looking defeated. 

“Well son…...looks like it's just you and me. Better get a fire going.” Han said as he rolled his eyes and marched inside the shack. Ben reluctantly stood grabbing their bags and followed Han inside. There wasn’t even a bedroom, just cobwebs, a fireplace, an old ass wood burning stove and a rickety old table. 

“Where the fuck are we supposed to sleep! Mom knows I have back problems and I need my orthopedic mattress!” Ben moaned as he dropped his bags. Han made his way over to the tiny closet and pulled out 2 old ass moth ridden sleeping bags.

“Moths! Fuck dad put those away! Those things bite you know!” Ben yelled running to the other side of the room.

“Moths dont fucking bite Ben! Plus this is all we have so get damn used to it!” Han yelled, throwing the sleeping bags down. 

Han worked on getting a fire going in the fireplace while Ben unpacked. Han turned around to look at all the bullshit Ben had brought with him. 

“Damn it Ben is that all you packed is Hyper fuel and a chemistry set! No protein bars or Corellian whiskey?”

“Hyper fuel and my chemistry set are two things I never leave home without! You never know when a situation might call for a late night experiment!”

“Shit on me.” Han grumbled as he ran his hand over his face. 

“Well we need to go out and catch dinner so meet me outside at the fishing boat.”

“Fishing boat?! Can’t we just fish from shore? What if the boat tips over and I end up with another leech on my balls!”

“That wasn’t a leech Ben! It was a wet leaf! But you didn’t notice that because you kept jumping around crying and waving your hands for mommy to get it off! Now get your ass out to the boat!” Han pointed and yelled and he stormed outside. 

Thirty minutes later, Han had the boat and the fishing gear ready to launch into the water but Ben still hadn’t appeared. He was just about to drag his ass outside when he appeared. He was dressed like a damn pansy. A giant white life jacket, a full body black wetsuit, flippers, sunglasses, black hat and a bag full of sunscreen and hyper fuel. 

“You look like a fucking killer whale thats afraid of the water in that get up!”

“We will see who's laughing when that death trap tips over and we both end up in the water!” Ben pointed as he made his way over to the tiny boat. 

“Sit down free Willy and I will push us off shore.” Han said motioning for Ben to get into the boat. Ben looked around with horror in his eyes. He slowly sat down inside the boat and grabbed onto the sides for dear life. Han pushed the boat into the water and jumped in. 

“Dad! Why is it moving so much! It's too wobbly! What if I get sea sick!” Ben panicked as he looked inside his bag for some sea sick patches. 

“Because it's a damn boat Ben! They move! Should I have have brought a fucking car seat to strap you into!?” 

“That might would have made me feel more secure and comfortable, yes!” Ben replied trying not to puke over the side. Han paddled them to the center of the lake and dropped anchor. 

“We are here, now get your fishing pole ready Captain Pussy.” Han said, throwing a small can of worms at him causing the lid to pop open and a few worms to spill out.

“Jesus Dad! They're trying to crawl into my brain!” Ben screamed as he stood up making the boat almost capsize while trying to brush the worms off his shoulder. 

“Sit the hell down Ben or we will end up in the damn water!” Han yelled, grabbing Ben’s life jacket and pulling him back down. Han baited his hook and threw his line into the water.

“Get your line in the water Ben so we can catch some damn dinner. I don't have my whiskey with me so I’m already pissed off at the world!” Han mumbled as he leaned back waiting to catch something. Ben looked at the slimy worms in the can and shuddered. He pulled out some tweezers from his fanny pack full of hyperfuel and grabbed a worm.

“You need to use your damn fingers! You will never get that worm on the hook with those things!”

“Just watch and see dad!” 

Almost an hour later Ben was still trying to put the worm on sense he wasn’t allowed to use the damn force. Han had already caught 5 fish and was working on baiting his hook for a 6th. 

“For the love of god give me that!” Han yelled, grabbing the worm and the pole from him. He baited the hook and gave the pole back to him. 

“Now press this button and toss the line in the water.” Han said as he demonstrated how to cast the line with his own pole. Ben tried to cast it but the line just swung around above him in the air with the worm dangling above his head. 

“Fuck! Get away from my hair you slimy fucker!” Ben yelled waving his hands around. 

“Press the damn button Gilliagan!” Han yelled pointing at the pole. 

“I did damn it! This thing is a piece of shit!”

“I think your common sense is a piece of shit!”

“At least I can do basic math! What’s 45+789?????”

“Ummm hold on let me get a piece of paper!”

“See!”

“Damn it it's easier if you write it down!”

“Bullshit!” Ben yelled as he finally cast his line out over the water.

“Well….shit….would you look at that.” Han said looking at Ben’s line bobbing in the water.

“I guess I have to get your ass pissed off in order for you to do something right!”

“Shut up dad!” Ben said as he folded his arms over his chest to pout. A few minutes later, Ben’s pole started to move. 

“Real It in! Damn it Ben you got one!” Han yelled. Ben grabbed the pole and started to pull.

“No damn it, use the crank and reel it in!”

“I’m trying!” Ben grabbed the crank and turned it at a breakneck speed. 

“Not that fast or you will lose it!” Han yelled grabbing the pole as they both held on for dear life.

“Damn, you caught a big fucker!” 

“What if it's the loc ness of Endor I’ve heard stories about!?” Ben screamed, dropping the pole. 

“Damn it Ben grab the pole and help me! I’m too old for this shit!” Ben grabbed and pulled like a bitch. Finally they got the monster fish onto the boat.

“This has to be the biggest catch I have ever seen! Way to go son!” Han yelled slamming Ben on the back and knocking him into the water.

“Oh hell.” Han said as Ben bobbed back up to the surface gasping for air.

“Damn it dad you know I can’t swim!” Ben yelled waving his arms around like he was going to die.

“You have on a giant life jacket you're fine! Now give me your hand!” Han said, shaking his head as he pulled Ben back onto the boat. 

“You alright there skipper?” Han asked, trying his best to look concerned. 

“Yes! Thank god for my new SoloCorp life vest! I need to add leech repellent to it I think.”

“For the last time it was a wet leaf!” Han yelled as he started to paddle back to shore. It was getting dark as they made their way back. They heard a commotion at the million dollar cabin and saw the rest of the family dancing and drinking around a campfire. Kylo had a giant stack of Leia made pancakes laughing like a banshee. 

“Motherfuckers.” Ben mumbled to himself as he and Han grabbed their catch and made their way inside their shitty cabin.

“You know how to scale a fish son?” Han asked, piling their fish on the counter. Ben looked at Han like he had grown 4 heads.

“You know what, never mind. I will scale these fuckers myself!” Han replied as he got to work. It took Ben about 45 minutes to take off all of his fishing gear and by then Han had the fish over the fire. 

“Oh shit where’s my plate!” Ben panicked looking through his bag.

“I got paper plates over here damn it! The hell with your toddler plate!”

“Mom was supposed to put it in here! I can eat without it!” 

“You can and you will! Now sit your ass down!” Han grumbled as he put a pile of fish onto a paper plate and handed it to Ben. He slowly took the plate from Han and stared at it. 

Han dug into his fish while Ben kept groaning at the plate.

“These plates are shitty as hell. See look, you can see fish oil leaking through the bottom!”

“Well if you would shut up and eat it the plate won't fall apart!”

“Did you debone these?? Mom always makes sure my fish are deboned. Fun fact, there are 239 bones inside of a basic sea bass….”

“Shut up and eat damn it!” Han yelled, grabbing Ben's fork and shoving a fork full of fish into Ben's mouth. 

“Fuck dad! There’s bones all in this and this fish has no flavor! You didn’t bring any spices from home did you!” 

Han roared like a rabid bantha and stormed out onto the front porch. After Ben picked all the bones out he ate his bland fish cause he was hungry as shit. Han finally came back inside and started getting ready for bed. Ben looked around in horror. He was going to have to sleep in the same room as Han. 

Ben slowly unrolled his sleeping bag and checked every corner for moths. Han crawled into this sleeping bag next to Ben’s and closed his eyes. 

“Dad, do you have an extra blanket and pillow?”

“What the hell do I look like? A damn trading post? Hell no! Now go to sleep!” He said rolling over to his side. 

“I can’t sleep without 2 pillows dad!”

PFFFFFFFF! Hand farted as loud as he could in Ben’s direction. 

“Oh GOD DAD! AHH!” Ben held his nose and waved his hand in the air. 

“Shut up and go to sleep or there will be more where that came from!” Han said huffing and puffing. After the air cleared and Ben’s eyes stopped watering from the stench, he finally crawled into his sleeping bag. 

“I wish Rey was here. I can’t sleep without her either.”

“I dont want to hear about you and Rey’s crazy force sex. I dont give a shit what she shoves up your ass or what kind of lube you use!” Han bitched as he covered his ears. 

“I didn’t say a damn thing about sex dad! Geez!” Ben rolled over and closed his eyes. A few hours later Ben woke to a rumbling in his stomach that felt like the pits of mustafar. 

“Oh shit!” Ben groaned as he grabbed his stomach and ran out of the front door to the outhouse. He pulled on the door but realized it was already occupied. 

“AHHHH SHIT!” Han groaned from inside the outhouse. 

“Dad! Hurry up I’m about to shit my pants!” 

“Hey I was here first!”

“Your damn fish isn’t setting well with me! I knew I shouldn’t have eaten it!”

“Well it's not setting too well with me either boy! AHHH!” 

“Dad it's not sanitary out here anywhere and I have to shit!”

“Well it sure as hell isn’t sanitary in here son! AHHH!”

Ben looked around for a bush or a tree or something to shit behind. He ran over to the nearby bush yanking his pants down as he went. 

“AHHHHH YES THANK THE MAKER!” Ben moaned as he shat all around the bush. 

“Ben! Ben are you ok!?” He heard Rey’s voice in his head through the Dyad connection. 

“Uh yeah, just had too much of dad’s shitty fish dinner. Ah fuck me!” 

Ben felt something in his hand through the force. He looked down to see that Rey had passed him a bottle of Pepto and a roll of toilet paper. 

“Maker I love you.”

“I know.” Rey said with a smile in her voice. Ben chugged back the Pepto, wiped his ass then pulled his pants up. Han was walking out of the outhouse just as Ben passed by. 

“I’m cooking tomorrow!” Ben said as they walked back to the shack.

The next morning Ben felt like shit. His back felt like hell and the stench of Han’s all night gasathon was enough to kill a bear. He rolled over to see that Han was already up and out on the porch cleaning his blaster. 

“Wake up sleeping beauty. Time to go hunting!” 

“Hunting!? Oh hell no! No damn way! Rey’s not here to protect me!”

“What do I look like? Chop liver?! Now come on get dressed princess pansy!” Han tossed Ben an extra blaster and made his way outside. 

Ben followed Han into the woods. He was doing a mental check of everything he had put inside his fanny pack. Mosquito repellent, sunscreen, hyperfuel, Zyrtec……

“Stop daydreaming damn it and move your ass!” Han yelled as he lowered himself to the ground as if he spotted something. Ben got down on the ground next to Han and they spotted an endorian yak grazing in the field near the tree line. 

“That will be enough for lunch and dinner! Shoot him son!” 

“You know I have the aim of a blind stormtrooper dad!”

“Just do it! You need to learn how! Now shoot that fucker!” Ben aimed and fired, spooking the yak while the blaster bolt hit a tree 400 yards away.

“See.” Ben said lifting his eyebrows at Han. 

Suddenly they heard a rustling in the bushes. They both turned to see a wild endor raccoon rushing for their faces. 

‘Shit! Get down son!” Han yelled as he pushed Ben out of the way and took the full force of the raccoon. Han yelled in pain as the raccoon slashed at his face.

“Dad! Fuck!” Ben yelled as he lifted his hand to use the force. The raccoon hissed at Ben as he held him in the air. Ben sent the raccoon flying across the planet and ran over to Han.

“Dad! You ok? Dad talk to me!”

Han rolled over and moaned.

“Yes I’m fine, just some scratches.”

“Dad, you took the force of a wild raccoon for me! If that's not love then I don't know what is!” Ben yelled as he wrapped his arms around Han. 

“Yeah yeah I know.” Han groaned as he patted Ben’s head. 

The wind picked up and they heard rustling in the trees. They looked up to see Rey and Kylo floating down to them with sabers drawn.

“Ben! Are you ok!? I felt something bad happening on my Dyad end!” Rey yelled as she threw her arms around him. Kylo ran around the perimeter giving the whole forest a death glare. 

“Yes I’m fine Dad saved me from a huge terrifying raccoon! I mean that fucker was as big as a fucking house…..”

“No he wasn’t Ben.” Han interrupted him, rolling his eyes. 

“I think you two have suffered enough. Come back to camp with us. I can’t stand not sleeping next to you Ben.” Rey said as she kissed the shit out of him. 

“Thank god I need my damn whiskey and some bacta!” Han huffed as Kylo came over helping him to his feet. 

That evening they sat around the campfire eating giant plates of Leia’s country fried bantha steaks. Ben had his “toddler plate” as Han called it sitting in front of him with Rey beside him. Just the way he liked it. Kylo and Chewy were having a race to see who could eat their steaks the fastest. 

“I’m glad you two are finally getting along again. It always seems to take one of you almost dying for the two of you to stop bickering.” Leia said as she took a bite of bantha. 

“Well damn Leia I do try. I can’t help it Ben is afraid of his own shadow.” Han whispered into her ear. 

“Shut up Han or he will hear you!” 

“He's too busy sucking Rey’s face off for that. I mean damn they act like they have been apart for years!” 

Leia looked over to see them practically taking each other's clothes off. 

“Ok you two, go inside and find a damn room!” She said pointing at the house. Ben didn’t need to be told twice. He scooped Rey up and ran towards the house.

“Careful what you shove up his ass Rey and use plenty of lube!” Han yelled after them. 

“Shut up Dad!” Ben yelled, giving him a wink and a grin. 

“That's a hell of a boy we got there Leia.” Han said, taking a drink of whiskey. 

“I know.” Leia replied squeezing his arm. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
